The one in the middle

Hannah Montana's famous quote "THE BEST OF BOTH WORLDS" now actually seem really applicable to me. I usually get so murderously irritated whenever people compare me with that very fake blond but talented fictional character. As much as i lamely try to pretend i dont mind, the fact remains that i really 'do' mind. Trying to hide it comes in a large variety of methods ranging to lying about my origins (Lee Ha Nnah is a name my korean great grandparents gave), somehow that makes me feel less inferior to the teen goddess/idol/dewi/godlike/beauty) and sometimes i simply just brush it off as: Nahh, i'm way cooler than that blondie (notice that i try to go blonde). But in reality, every time someone compares me to that incredibly impossible character - its like a stab in my chest saying "IN YOUR FACE!"

What's my worst nightmare? Well, it starts with the word "M" and its not 'mother' or 'mayonnaise'. I loath from the depth of my heart - the revelation that concludes my life inferior and everything that i am affiliated to as mediocre. It came to a point where i actually find it offensive to be just.. 'normal'.Life almost seem like a really quick HD but still low budgeted indie production. Where the character is a 'blah' and the story goes like 'blah' but in the end people admire it, and say.. "Wow, that was meaningful but..... i've seen better". Sure life has been meaningful, but it wasn't G.R.E.A.T.

Uni Life is a very typical example. The true Ha Nnah is a crazy *beep* person who can actually loose some of that super tight control. But over the years of well cultivated façade somehow corroded away the girl i once was. Some call it "growing up". I call it : "survival" I don't suffer extinction like the freakishly cute pandas in China, what i do suffer from is the insane urge to stop, stare, and then make a conscious effort to conform. Such irony. Hearing nags after nags about ways to overcome the perils of 'peer pressure' and to think that i finally know what it means when i reach 20. Heck, at least i learnt something in that two decade of life. Not complaining.. simply noting. Back to complaining about Uni Life, (i love it btw) but sometimes it tears me apart. Half of me wants to be the 4 pointer. Another half craves for some adventure, some fun! (thats why i took up latin dancing classes) But unlike my blessed days in MBS, i dont get the full package. I find myself torn between the two worlds. Sometimes, its War of the Worlds. Reminiscing about the good old past didn't help either.

Being the social animal that i am, i am a person that have a high need for affiliation, power and achievement! Affiliation comes first because i want people to be there to celebrate my power and achievement.. Despicable? Well.. try waking up one day and feeling disgusted with your self. Disgusted, but still in love. (i do not hate myself like some random emo teenager. i'm 21 this year for God's sake, so over that now) A true dilemma.

new hairstyle :)

According to the Law of Parsimony, the simplest explanation would usually be the more generally accepted one. Therefore i conclude, that to overcome this seemingly huge but invisible block of trial, i shall triumph over it by simply STRIVING TO BE GOOD IN BOTH WORLDS. Even if it means realigning the way i spend my resources (time, effort, money). I am moving forward (hoping it is the right direction) and whoevergets in my way.. I'll!!!!!!... well... i'll just have to ignore them and go around.